Unicorn Conspiracy

Many people have their own conspiracies about their favorite rock bands and what really happened to Paul McCartney actually being dead sometime before The Beatles broke up, and that if you reverse a Beatles song it will say "Paul is dead."  Some are cheery and some are sad.  I prefer to stick to the bright side of things,  we will be discussing a few factors that may have caused the Unicorns to go extinct. (If you would like to share your own feel free to mention it in the comments.)

The first conspiracy:

Many people know about the biblical story of Noah and the great flood. Well if you don't here is some background information before we start.   God thought that the world was becoming all too evil so he sent a great flood to wipe the entire world clean.  Only one person knew about it, and it was a man named Noah.  Noah tried to warn others and told them to change before God sent the flood.  None of them listened so Noah and his family were the only to survive, they built a huge ark that could fit all of the animals on it... or so he thought.

In our handy dandy bible dictionary, you will be able to find the word unicorn.  Unicorn is defined as a two horned ox, but the reason that people called it a unicorn is because when you look at if from the side it looks like it has one horn.  Now here is my conspiracy.  You know how unicorns are magical right?  They somehow missed out on the invite to the ark, so they used their magic to transform themselves into a giant whale creature,  but the magic that they used was so pure and strong they had to sacrifice one horn, by so doing they created the Narwhal.  Pretty believable right?

Second conspiracy:

Again following the same track of Noah and his ark, this time Noah screwed up.  While he was out collecting the animals and getting them to come to the ark,  he gathered two males not one male and female.

Conspiracy by Bytes.

Third and final conspiracy:

When ever I have gone to a sporting event or somewhere where you need tickets to get in, it seems as if there are always scalpers there.  People who bought tickets to sell them for three times the amount that you could buy them online.  They either buy them and sell them because they think that they are going to gain money or they just know that the they hate the NBA.  Either way,  the scalpers are expecting some form of currency.  Well this might have happened to the unicorns but they missed the scalpers tickets, because the skunks had just bought them.  

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  The problem lies with the fact that it would be freaking sweet to own one, and they don't live here on earth anymore.  Maybe it was Noah's fault, and maybe it was the unicorns fault, it still would be awesome if they were on earth.  My question is how do we get them back? Maybe through intensive cloning? Don't lie it would be pretty sweet.